Are you feeling confined?
Last week I went to the zoo and found the elephants in their cage, shackled by chains.
I could relate as lately I have been feeling like I am in shackles, confined, and unable to escape my metal cage. Or is it a mental cage?
Why do I feel caged in?
Albert Ellis who created Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy said:
“people are not disturbed by things but rather by their view of things.”
He pointed out words that trigger our brain and make us think that we don’t have options.
HAVE TO.
SHOULD.
MUST.
These words make you feel confined, as if you have no choice. Instead it is better to say, “I choose to…” or “I decided that this was important.” For example, I don’t have to go to work, but I choose to work in order to provide for my family. I choose to pay the bills so that I can live a comfortable life and not be living on the streets.
What have I been doing lately that makes me think that I have to, should, or must do something? How can I change that around and realize that I have a choice?
What am I saying “yes” to when I really need to say “no”?
There are times when I start doing things because I think that I should. I think I should attend a party even though I don’t want to because I don’t want to disappoint people.
I believe that I should clean the house every weekend. Who says I really have to do that? Whose standards am I trying to adhere to? Maybe I need to redefine my standards of what clean is or maybe I need to enlist other people’s help with cleaning.
When I consider what my priorities are and what I can say no to, then I start to feel freer. There is a lot of power in saying “no” and not over scheduling myself. And there is no shame in asking for help from others, especially when I realize that I cannot do everything myself.
What can I do to break free of limitations?
I may be in a cage, like the elephants at the zoo, and might not even realize it. Maybe I have chains that I attached to myself, thinking that I “have to” do something.
Sometimes I need to take a step back and think about where I feel limited and how I can change that.
I have limited myself by the thoughts I think or the words I choose. I can change what I tell myself and how I speak about my situation. This in turn, gives me a greater sense of personal control, feeling powerful. It’s so much better then feeling like a victim of circumstances. Or feeling like an elephant at the zoo.
“We teach people that they upset themselves. We can’t change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.”
~ Albert Ellis
I want to choose how I approach a situation.
I may need to have a job or pay the bills. However, I choose what the job is and my attitude towards it. And I look at my finances and am grateful that I have money to pay the bills, as there are people who have a lot less.
And as far as the cleaning goes, I choose not to clean all the time, as there are only so many hours in the day. I would rather play instead of clean one more room.
What about you?
Where are you feeling the shackles of limitation? How do you choose to release the chains of SHOULD, HAVE TO, and MUST?
