A Crazy-Making Strategy
Did you ever see the 1944 film Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman? A woman moves into a house with her husband. He tries to make her think that she is crazy by flickering the gas lights, but claiming that it is not really happening. He does other tactics as well to convince her that everything is in her head and she is the one losing it.
That didn’t happen. It’s your imagination. We never had that conversation.
The movie (and earlier play) was so powerful that it became a psychology term. Gaslighting techniques, according to Dr. George Simon, are:
sophisticated tactics of manipulation — to create so much doubt in the minds of their targets of exploitation that the victim no longer trusts their own judgment about things and buys into the assertions of the manipulator, thus coming under their power and control.
Our culture has been gaslighting women for a long time, making women think they are crazy. Oh, she is too emotional. She’s being dramatic. Oh, she’s crazy. Ignore her. She’s hysterical. She’s too sensitive.
Yes, it’s like that.
The horrible thing about gaslighting is that you start thinking you are the problem because you have been told that you are. You hear it over and over again and you start to believe it. You second-guess yourself.
Perhaps you have personally experienced gaslighting with someone in your life. A boss that keeps claiming that you don’t remember conversations and that you are the problem. A friend who repeatedly makes disparaging remarks and then says, “I’m kidding. Lighten up!” A romantic partner who denies things ever happened or constantly invalidates your feelings. The pattern continues for months if not years.
Gaslighting progresses over time. And culturally women have experienced this for centuries. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. And it is time to become more aware of it. Awareness is the first step in changing a system, whether it is a personal relationship or a pervasive cultural paradigm.
For more information on this psychological phenomenon, check out these articles:
- http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200903/identify-the-gaslight-effect-and-take-back-your-reality
- http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted
- http://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/what-is-gaslighting/
- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hedayat/a-message-to-women-from-a_1_b_958859.html
How do we stop people who gaslight? Well, that depends on who you are dealing with, but a good start is to stand up for yourself. Set boundaries. Know that you are not crazy. Trust yourself! And then find ways to take back your power. This might include reading articles or books, meeting with a therapist, talking with trusted friends, or whatever else feels right.
While you are at it, feel free to watch the movie Gaslight.
What a super little blog post with more juicy articles linked. Thank you for highlighting this.
You are most welcome!